Financial concepts redefined

Ever since the momentous crash that shook the Indian Stock-Markets on 22nd Jan 2008, financial uncertainties and worries have been plaguing the investors and traders alike. Prior to that, it was only a matter of buying a bunch of shares when the “market went down”, and lo! You earn a smart return in a few days by selling them.

But all that has changed now. The market has stopped obeying the rules. While sun-shine prosperity was the norm in the last 5 years’ bull-run (2003-2007), the dark-clouds of gloom are threatening the markets since early 2008. This is the case not only in India, but all global stock markets. Now the market has only one way to go: down, down and down. Although eventually the markets always climb back, but if history is any guide, a 5 years’ bull-run will throw a reaction of at least 1 to 2 years. We are only in the 8th month right now. During this reactionary period, the entire financial community is in misery. Volatile markets scare away any trader who tries to try out his luck in the stock market.

The board to the entrance to a church reads “God Never Fails”. A depressed investor adds “Ask him to try trading in the Nifty-Futures”. This is not a cruel joke, but the harsh reality. Following are the redefined financial terminologies and abbreviations that are gaining a lot of popularity:

1) Investor: A person who is completely broke by investing in stock markets
2) Broker: A person who is very broke (even worse than the Investor)
3) SIP: Suicide by Investing Patiently
4) PMS: Poverty Manufacturing Schemes
5) FII: Furious and Impoverished Investor
6) HNI: Has No Idea
7) Correction: Something that starts happening after you buy shares
8) P/E: Plunge Endlessly
9) Fund Manager: Last year’s great financial advisor who now sits on a chair scratching his head in an asylum
10) EBIDTA: Exit Before It Tumbles Down
11) Momentum buying: The art of buying high and selling low
12) Value buying: The art of buying low and selling even lower
13) Nifty Futures: A financial instrument that is habitual to ruin the investors’ future
14) Crude Oil: Something that is obliged to take the blame of falling Nifty Futures
15) Blue-chip Stocks: A way of getting ruined by investing in renowned corporations
16) Mutual Funds: A way of getting ruined where someone else does it on your behalf
17) Intra-day trading: A way of getting ruined in a very short period of time
18) Inflation: A process that could be blamed upon for the falling Nifty and Sensex
19) CNBC Tv18: The channel that continuously tracks exactly how much you have been ruined (and also gives a logical explanation and the factors to be blamed)
20) Political Uncertainty: Another factor happy to take the blame of falling Nifty and Sensex
21) NAV: Not at all Valuable

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